Imagine spending all that time and money in marriage counselors trying to solve your problems and learning communication techniques only to find that nothing worked and that at best you’re in the same place as when you started.

Now there’s an ALTERNATIVE to marriage family counseling—it’s called Marriage Fitness, and it’s a proven system for saving and restoring marriages.

Are you ready to get your marriage back on track?

1-on-1 Private Sessions
with Mort Fertel

Phone Sessions  •  Full Day “House Calls”  •  Office Visits

To schedule couples therapy please go to marriagemax.com

When it comes to saving a marriage, when people act based on their instincts, things usually get worse, not better. It’s not that what you’re doing doesn’t make sense. It’s that marital situations are not logical; they’re psychological! And unless you understand the psycho-dynamics of marital relationships, you’ll dig yourself deeper and deeper into a marital mess. I can tell you the outcome of certain decisions before you even make them. Stop guessing. Let me give you clear instructions for resolving your situation that’s based on hundreds of cases just like yours.

Married The Right Person

During one of my seminars, a woman asked me a question. She said, “How do I know if I married the right person?”

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, “It depends. Is that your husband?”

In all seriousness, how do you know? How do you know if you married the right person?

Here’s the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love – because it’s happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept off my feet.” Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, “Did I marry the right person?” And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.

I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully) THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t “find” LASTING love. You have to “make” it day in and day out. That’s why we have the expression “the labor of love.” Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

And <$firstname$>, make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable – you can “make” love.

Marriage Fitness a step-by-step system for making and maintaining love in your marriage. And the program works for any marriage even if only one spouse does it.

If you want me to walk you step-by-step through the marriage renewal process, I suggest the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. It’s a 7-week intensive private HOME-BASED marriage transforming program that includes 7 tele-seminars, 3 Q & A teleconferences, a 15 CD home learning kit, a complete workbook and personal journal, an autographed copy of Marriage Fitness, a members-only web site, 1-on-1 private sessions with me, and much more. And all you need is a telephone. You don’t have to go anywhere. For more information, click here.

If you can’t wait until the next boot camp begins or if you don’t have 7 weeks to turn things around, then order… MARRIAGE FITNESS HOME-FLEX A 9-Phase interactive multi-sensory relationship-changing self-guided system that gives you everything you need to transform your marriage. And the best news is . . . you get it all tomorrow! For more information or to order, click here.

If you need help with your marriage, at the very least get yourself the MARRIAGE FITNESS AUDIO LEARNING PROGRAM. It’s a 5 CD starter program that you’ll find to be an invaluable guide to renewing your marriage. For more info or to order, click here.

Go to www.marriagemax.com for more ONLINE MARRIAGE COUNSELING

Apologizing in a Way that Works

Have you ever heard the expression, “Love is never having to say you’re sorry?”

Sometimes I wonder how such utterly ridiculous expressions become commonly accepted. If you’re close to someone, you’re going to step on their toes occasionally. And when you hurt someone, ESPECIALLY YOUR SPOUSE, it’s important to say, “I’m sorry.”

Not only is it important to say “I’m sorry,” but it’s important to say it well. Sometimes the words alone are not enough. You’ve got to get inside your spouse’s heart, feel their pain, and in order for them to forgive you, they have to feel COMPLETELY understood. Otherwise, you might say, “I’m sorry,” and your spouse might say, “It’s okay,” but nothing will change. You could be stuck in that hurt for years.

I wish for you and your spouse that you SUCCESSFULLY move through your past hurt and that “I’m sorry” restores your relationship the way those 2 magic words have the power to do.

If you need help restoring your marriage, don’t miss the upcoming Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. All you need is a telephone and the desire to transform your marriage. You don’t have to go anywhere.

Are you thinking that your spouse will never do it? Then register for the Lone Ranger Track, which is specifically designed to show you how to bring a stubborn spouse around. Otherwise, sign-up for the Duo Track, which is for couples participating together. To register or for more information, click SAVING MARRIAGE

If you can’t wait until the next boot camp begins or if you don’t have 7 weeks to turn things around, then order… MARRIAGE FITNESS HOME-FLEX A 9-Phase interactive multi-sensory relationship-changing self-guided system that gives you everything you need to transform your marriage. And the best news is . . . you get it all tomorrow! For more information or to order, click SAVE MARRIAGE

If you need help with your marriage, at the very least get yourself the MARRIAGE FITNESS AUDIO LEARNING PROGRAM. It’s a 5 CD starter program that you’ll find to be an invaluable guide to renewing your marriage. For more info or to order, click STOP A DIVORCE

==========================================

You have some changes you’d like to see in your
spouse and your marriage, right? And if I were a
betting man, I’d guess your spouse has some ideas
too!

So what are you waiting for? Are you waiting for
your spouse to make the first move? Are you
waiting to feel love?

Most people think that the FEELING of love comes
BEFORE we express love – and in the beginning of a
relationship, that’s what happens. You fall in
love and THEN you do acts of love. Your feelings
inspire your actions.

But mature love asks more of you. To create a
strong LASTING marriage, you first CHOOSE LOVING
ACTIONS. Your feelings will follow.

After all, you don’t jog two miles or skip
dessert because you feel healthy. You feel
healthy because you jogged two miles and skipped
dessert. So too, when it comes to your marriage,
YOUR ACTIONS CREATE YOUR FEELINGS!

Last time we talked about the act of talking and
touching. This time we’re going to talk about
“giving.”

Once upon a time, when you fell in love, it was
easy to give to your spouse, and you probably
enjoyed thinking up new ways to express how you
felt through your giving. Remember surprising
your spouse with something you knew they wanted?
Remember the thoughtful trinket you got?

WITHIN THE NEXT 48 HOURS, give your spouse a
gift. Now here’s the key. It can’t be just any
gift. Your spouse has to feel YOU in it. You see,
the most important part of a present is that it
embodies the presence of the one who gave it to
you. This is not a matter of money. This takes
time, thought, and energy.

What gift would tickle the soul of your spouse?
What could you buy or make for your spouse that
would show how much of YOU went into the gift?
Don’t just buy anything. Make sure it’s your
spouse’s favorite color, made in their hometown,
or something they mentioned last week.

Stick with this for a minute.
This takes some deep thought, but I guarantee
that if you make a habit of this kind of giving
it will TRANSFORM YOUR MARRIAGE.

What could you give your spouse that would make
them glow and look at you with intense
appreciation? Did they recently mention they
wanted something? What’s your spouse’s favorite
dessert? Favorite flower? Favorite spot for a
romantic retreat? Favorite sports team (tickets
to a game)? Favorite author (new book)? Favorite
musician (CD or tickets)?

I spent 10 minutes in a private session with a
man exploring what one gift would “light up” his
wife. We figured it out and, in retrospect; he
believes that giving that gift shifted the
momentum of their marriage.

Inside your spouse is a child that wants to be
understood. If your spouse is like most people,
he/she does NOT feel understood – even by you. When
you get the right gift for your spouse, they will
feel UNDERSTOOD, and connected to you, the giver.
When you give someone a gift that says, “I know
you, I understand you,” you can “melt” them.

This is one of the things we work on in the
Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp – how to discover
the one gift that will change the momentum of
your marriage. And, how to get your spouse TO
WANT to give that gift TO YOU too.

If you’re ready to learn how to transform your
marriage and establish lasting love in your
relationship, join the next Marriage Fitness
Tele-Boot Camp.

It’s a 7-week marriage-transforming
program. You can do it alone or with your spouse.
And you don’t need to go anywhere. All you need
is a telephone. For more information, go to
http://www.MortFertel.com/tele-boot-camp.asp
If you can’t wait for the next boot camp or if
you don’t have 7 weeks to turn things around,
then you want
MARRIAGE FITNESS HOME-FLEX
A 9-Phase interactive multi-sensory
relationship-changing self-guided system that
gives you everything you need to transform your
marriage. And the best news is . . . you get it
all tomorrow! For more information or to order,
go to:
http://www.MortFertel.com/home-flex.asp

If you need help with your marriage, at the very
least get yourself the MARRIAGE FITNESS AUDIO
LEARNING PROGRAM. It’s a 5 CD starter program
that you’ll find to be an invaluable guide to
renewing your marriage. For more info or to
order, go to:
http://www.MortFertel.com/audio-program.asp

It’s easy to buy a gift. But
the right gift, given at the right time and in
the right way…that’s an art. “Money can’t buy you
love.” “It’s the thought that counts.”

In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, “The only
gift is a portion of thyself.”

Enjoy the gift of giving. It’ll give YOU love.

Warm regards,

Mort Fertel, Author & Founder of Marriage Fitness

SAVE MY MARRIAGE

And How to Decide

One of the questions I’m most frequently asked is, “How do you know when it’s time to quit?”

In terms of when to give up on your marriage, here’s what I recommend.

If divorcing is a consideration for you from a moral perspective, then before you go that route, try first for at least one year.

Did you hear that?

Try for at least one year!

And I mean REALLY try. You can always call it quits. You always have that option. But once you pull that trigger, it’s over. No more chances. Your life will never be the same. Do you have kids? If you do, their life will never be the same.

If you end your marriage, you don’t want there to be a shred of doubt in your mind. You don’t ever want to look back and wonder if things could have been different. You don’t want to ask yourself, “What if this…and what if that…what if I tried this…what if I did that?”

If you have to end your marriage, you want to know DEEP IN YOUR HEART that you did everything you could to make it work.

If you have to end it, you want to be able to move on with your life and into another relationship with a clear head. You want to come to a place of healthy “completion.” THIS IS CRUCIAL! And to accomplish this, in my experience, it takes at least one year. I know it probably seems like a long time, but it’s an investment in the rest of your life.

Here’s the key point. Listen carefully. It’s a good investment for the rest of your life WHETHER YOUR MARRIAGE SUCCEEDS OR NOT. Obviously, it’s a good investment if you turn your marriage around. But if you don’t, it will NOT have been a wasted year. It will have been the most important thing you could have done with that year because of how your effort will impact the rest of your life AND (if it comes to this) YOUR NEXT RELATIONSHIP.

I have seen too many cases of spouses ending their marriage prematurely, and as result of not reaching “completion” in one relationship, they find themselves in the same situation a few years later with someone else.

In private sessions with people, sometimes the progress I help them make turns out to be more beneficial for them in their next relationship than in their current one.

I remember once when the marriage of someone who registered for the Lone Ranger Track of the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp ended in the middle of the program. This man asked me if he should continue with the final 3 weeks of the program. I said, “Absolutely.”

He responded, “Why? What’s the point? My marriage is over.”

“You’re not doing it for this marriage,” I explained. “You’re doing it for the benefit of your next one.”

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that your intention while you’re working on your marriage should be for the benefit of your life after your marriage. Your intention needs to be to restore your CURRENT relationship. But if you fail, your effort will NOT have been for naught.

Bottom line is this. If you’re asking, “When is it time to call it quits?” The answer is: one year after you think you’re done. If after one year of trying everything in your power to make your marriage work you’re still miserable, then you should consider moving on. Until then, hang in there and don’t give up.

This topic reminds me of my situation many years ago. I remember learning late one night that my wife had an appointment with a divorce attorney the next morning. We were hours from “done.” Who would have ever thought that we could turn things around at that point?

It’s NEVER too late! In fact (and here’s real food for thought), very often the turning point in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom. Sometimes it’s not until things couldn’t get worse that they can get better.

I wish you and your spouse the best. If I can help you, let me know. If you’re ready to revamp your relationship, I suggest you register for the next Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. It’s a 7-week transformational experience. You can pick either the Lone Ranger Track or the Duo Track depending on your situation. And it couldn’t be more convenient. You don’t have to go anywhere. All you need to participate is a telephone. For information and or to register, click on online marriage help.

Hi. I’m Mort Fertel. Marriage Fitness is an innovative step-by-step relationship-changing system that will teach you how to save your marriage. You’ll learn to neutralize your problems and put into practice a system of positive relationship habits that will shift the momentum of your marriage. And the best news is—you don’t have to dig into your past, dredge up your problems, or practice communication techniques. This is not counseling for couples; it’s Marriage Fitness!